What the F*** Was I Thinking?
A How-Not-To Guide to Surviving a Creative Life
by
Dirk Blackman
Embedded Files
I did it so you don't have to
Hi. I'm Dirk. I'm a screenwriter. Been at it 30 years now. I'm also a college teacher. When I'm not strewing wisdom at the feet of my students, I like to tell them screenwriting war stories. They love 'em, the bloodier the better.
Anyway, I'm in class one day, going on about how I screwed up something or other, and some kid says, "what would you have done differently?" Lightbulb moment!
This book is my answer.
If you didn't get it from the title, this is what the book is about: I thumbed through my long and reasonably successful career and picked out a bunch of moments where I screwed the pooch. But then I rewrote my life to reflect what I should have done. Example: I agreed to defer a $150,000 payment on a project to get it made. It got made; but I never got my money.
Rewrite! "No thanks, can't defer."
Yeah, there's a lot more detail and self-flagellation, but you get the idea. My hope is that I humorously and with inordinate self-deprecation help young creatives navigate the early parts of their careers by avoiding my mistakes (or maybe even copying my successes!)
I will admit, something did happen along the way as I wrote it. It stretched its wings a little, and was no longer just about how to stay in Hollywood. It also talks about what can happen to you if you actually do stay. Because it can stress you in ways you might never have considered.
Anyway, this book is filled with things I wish someone had told me.
The preface to What The F**k Was I Thinking? is below. If it intrigues you and you want to go further down this rabbit hole, plug in your email below and we'll let you know the minute it's out. I won't sell your info. Pinky promise.
Here're some projects I've worked on.
You know, so you can see if you'd care what I think.
Savager (2026). Graphic novel published by Panick Entertainment.
Shade (2027). Indy feature. In development w/co-writer and director M.J. Bassett.
Adjunct Professor (2011-present) Chapman University, Columbia College Chicago.
Deep Blue Sea 3 (2020). Produced Film. Warner Bros.
Delivered (2020). Produced Film. Hulu/Blumhouse. Also Executive Producer.
WGA Arbiter (2000 to present)
EditFest London (2013-2020). Produced a major editing conference for the American Cinema Editors.
Transformers Film Series. Uncredited.
Conan 2: A Witch Shall Be Born. Script. Millennium.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009). Produced film. Screen Gems.
Outlander (2009). Produced film. The Weinstein Co. Also executive producer.
Buncha' panels. Comic-con, that sort of thing.
Preface
Preface
I did not sleep with Ana de Armas.
That wasn’t me you read about, sailing around the Cap d’Antibes with George and Amal.
I did not take Leo for 50 large at Hold ‘em.
However… that was me watching the producer’s newly-restored Karman Ghia spontaneously combust on El Camino Drive.
That was me taking my first lunch meeting with a producer at Fatburger and being pitched a job rewriting a Malaysian soft-core screenplay circumspectly titled “Sex Farm.”
That was me guzzling Snapples served to me at different times by Gene Simmons and Jackie Chan in their homes. Gene handed it to me politely from his fridge; Jackie zipped the open bottle across a long table into my hand without spilling a drop.
That was me looking up from the script I was writing to see a mountain lion staring at me through the open kitchen door.
That was me watching my boss at the talent agency assassinate his New York counterpart by ‘accidentally’ letting it slip that the counterpart was booking a comedian client on the side and skimming the commission.
That was me surrounded by three adult actresses at Vivid Video’s AFM booth and dropping my Diet Coke in slow motion as my fingers mysteriously stopped working. I can still hear them giggling when the can hit my foot.
But this is not a mem-wahhh. Those are far too often coffee table books of the soul, more likely to catch coffee stains than interest. This book is less about what happened to me than why it happened.
So if it's not about the Pretty People, or How to Write a Horror Script That Sells, why read it? I guess my first answer is ‘don’t.’ Most people can’t learn from other peoples’ experiences. They have to lick the frozen streetlamp themselves or boil the chicken in Nyquil on their way to TikTok fame. But if you are the kind who can take a little advice here and there, or who likes to peek behind the curtain a bit, grab a seat. I’m a middle-class screenwriter who has made a living for 25+ years in Hollywood. This is an achievement. It makes me good, lucky, and stupid.
Good, because, well, you have to be, to last that long.
Lucky, because, well, you have to be, to last that long.
And stupid… because following your bliss in Hollywood is like staging Swan Lake in a minefield.
What do you think? Worth a read?
What do you think? Worth a read?
These people think so:
(And yes, they're real, actual people, not AI fans.)
"Blackman is hilarious, heartfelt, and brutally honest. "What the F*** Was I Thinking?" is totally essential for anyone wanting to break into entertainment and a wildly great time for everybody else." - Scarlet S.
"With equal parts humility and humor, Blackman effusively tells stories of how he learned many of the entertainment industry's most important lessons the hard way so you don't have to. It's a must-read for anyone looking to make it in Hollywood." - Nick B., Screenwriter
“I will be gifting this book to my parents as soon as I am able! It brings light to the unique challenges and experiences someone, much like myself, might stumble across in their journey through this very particular industry — an industry they, and many others, know so little about.” - Devyn K.
"I've read plenty of titles claiming to help young people navigate the ins and outs of many things - adulthood, Hollywood, a tumultuous career. Advice is easy enough to give, but what I love about Dirk Blackman's "What the F*** Was I Thinking?" is that he respects you, the reader, enough to tell you that it won't be easy, but gives you the tools he has to make it out of the trenches anyway. I like reading books from folks that clearly believe in the potential of their audience. Therefore, I like Dirk Blackman's writing. If you're looking to get into the film industry through writing - this is a must read." - Alexis K. , Screenwriter
"I appreciate Dirk's recounting for his honesty as he clearly gives a true, unglamorized glimpse into the life and career of a screenwriter; the easy-to-read pacing and structure designed to be easily palatable to the millennial attention span; and the enjoyable personality laced throughout the book that felt like a conversation with my favorite college instructor once more - someone who truly cares about my future." - Scott K, Screenwriter
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